Forever
Chapter 1
Dreaming
I woke with a start, gasping for air trying to stop the burning in my lungs. It felt like it was still the middle of the night. I glanced at the alarm clock flashing on the table beside me. 2.27. I hadn't even been asleep for an hour. How could so much have happened in such a short time? Not that I could fully recall all of it now anyway, the dream was already starting to fade so quickly. All I could clearly remember was the end. Drowning, trying to gasp for breath and chocking on the salty acrid water, my throat burning, aching to take a breath, even just a small one. What was I even doing in the water in the first place though? I couldn't remember. All I could actually recall now was the terror of not being able to breath, the fear of believing that I may have already taken my last breath and the horror of the prospect of what was going to happen to my kids when I didn’t come back, who would take care of them? Protect them like I did? Love them like I did? Look after them for me?
It wasn't really all that dark in my room. The light filtered through the blinds from the streetlight outside my window, and despite how tired I was I didn't want to go straight back to sleep yet, I didn't want to risk slipping back into the terror of that dream again. I got out of bed and went to check on the kids instead. Kyle had kicked his covers off, again. So I pulled his dooner up over his shoulder, then I gently kissed his cheek before softly touching his forehead. Next I went into Alex's room to check on her. She was sleeping peacefully, with her long blond hair splayed out around her head like a halo. She was growing up so quickly, getting so big already, turning into a real little lady. It was going to be all too soon before she would learn who she really is, and once again, just as I had so many time in the past, I wrestled with my conscience about whether or not I should just tell her now. She was certainly old enough to understand the importance of keeping a secret, so I shouldn’t really have to worry about her saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. But I really just wanted her to be able to have a normal childhood, to grow up as a kid should grow up, instead of as the guardian with the worries of the world on her shoulders. I had missed out on that opportunity the first time and inevitably I had decided to start again and be reborn, not that I blamed Susannah for the decisions she made, she only did what she felt was right at the time, but that left me totally alone when I learnt about who I truly was the second time around, and I didn't want that for Alex. I wanted her to be able to have a normal childhood, but still have someone there for her when she learnt about who she was to become.
It would be all too soon anyway, that she would discover her destiny in life. That she is just like me, and my mother before me, and her mother before her. All too soon she will discover that she has been born to carry out the angels work, god’s wishes. We are the Venatorcustos. The guardian. It is our duty in life to help and to protect the crudelitas. They are the supernatural creatures of this earth. Vampires, werewolves, witches, nephilim, fairies and mermaids. It has always been our job and our duty to make sure that they behaved themselves and lived by the rules of nature and the angels, and it is also our job to destroy any of those creatures that flaunt the rules recklessly without any compassion or remorse or regard, and I had been doing far too much of that lately. I don’t really enjoy destroying another’s existence regardless of the reasons for it.
No it will certainly be all too soon that Alex will have to join me as the guardian and undoubtedly she will have to join me with all the death and destruction. She will wake up one morning to suddenly discover her head is full of memories that aren't even hers, as well as a multitude of thoughts that belong to others. The memories will mostly belong to me - but some will also have been my mothers and possible some of my grandmothers as well, but to Alex they will seem dreamlike, surreal, and she will have to learn to decipher them, and call on them when she needs to, she will have to learn to differentiate between her own memories and ours.
The thoughts will belong to the crudelitas, and she will need to learn to control them. She will need to be able to block them out when she doesn't want to hear them, while still being able to pick up on the subtleties that they will be trying to hide, any supernatural creatures that get close to her, within about a 12km radius, will be forever in her head, and she will have access to anything they think whenever she chooses.
No. There is just no way, I can in good conscience burden her with all that now, I won't do it. She is still just my baby, my little girl. She will learn it all when the time is right, when it is destined for her to know. Until then she can sleep in peace. I kissed her forehead gently before I left the room and went and climbed back into my own bed, I still didn't want to go back to sleep though. I couldn’t face the thought of slipping back into that dream again. I picked up the phone and looked at it contemplatively. Should I, shouldn't I. I knew I shouldn’t really. I had so many conflicting emotions when it came to Gabriel. I felt like I was using him all the time, but every time I heard his voice I was at peace. If I was talking to him, I was in a much better frame of mind, I was happy and I was content. Gabriel was my best friend, my confidant even if he was a vampire.
Gabriel and I grew up together in Amesbury Massachusetts in the late sixteen hundreds. He was four years older than I was and he was my best friend. He was there for me when my mother was killed, he supported me, and he cared for me. It was during the times of the Salem witch trials and she had been accused of witchcraft, she was burned alive at the stake. It was the most excruciating time of my entire existence, the most devastating time of all my lives combined. Gabriel's father had orchestrated the entire thing but ultimately he was nothing more than a puppet on a string. It took me over three hundred years before I learned that it was actually a vampire named Phelip who had been the puppeteer. But even as yet, he had still managed to elude me. I was constantly on the lookout for him though, so I could make him pay for what he had done, to my mother and to me. Not the least of which was because I had felt every physical aspect of my mother’s death. I felt the pain and agony of the burning, as the fire consumed her every essence, right up till the point that her heart stopped beating I felt it all, one of the benefits of who we are. Even now I still relive it, I can still vividly recall the pain as the fire engulfed her, and Gabriel had been by my side the entire time, even though he was still human at the time he watched my agony, physically and emotionally and kept me together. He was still keeping me together.
So now I lay in bed wrestling with my conscience yet again. It would be daytime in America, so it was a good time to call, not that that would be an issue anyway. Gabriel only slept for a couple of days every few months, although it was more like hibernation than a sleep, a bit like a bear. Contrary to popular myths and belief vampires don’t sleep their entire day way, and as they got older they need to hibernated less often and for shorter time periods. Gabriel had not long woken from his last hibernation anyway so he wouldn't be sleeping now, although that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be working, Gabriel liked to work, he was a bit of a work-a-holic, a condition that had gotten worse over the years, especially since he lost his wife. I was sure he would be glad to hear from me regardless though, he always was. But that was where my conscience came into it. I didn't want to get his hopes up; I was trying not to get his hopes up. He was still waiting on an answer. One I couldn't give him, not yet. I needed to get it all sorted out in my own head before I could commit to him, before I could uproot my kids and shift permanently to the United States. Gabriel had declared his love for me time and time again, but as much as I loved him back, and I really did love him back, I still couldn't commit to him. Especially when I didn't even expect to live too much longer anyway, how could I agree to spend my life with him when my life was almost over? As soon as Alex was old enough she would take over as the guardian and soon after I would join the angels, there has only ever be one guardian that’s just the way it is. But even despite that fact and even though Gabriel claimed he would prefer to have any time he could with me, even if it was only a year, the guardian could never have a romantic relationship with a Crudeltas. That was one of the main rules my mother had drummed into me ever since I was a little girl. Back then she used to encourage me to spend time with Gabriel, back when he was human, but I’m sure she would be totally against it now. I often wonder what she would have thought about how things had panned out.
Eventually exhaustion mixed with my need for a peaceful sleep and won out over my conscience as I stared at the numbers on the phone and I called Gabriel’s number.
“Hi beautiful.” he answered immediately. “Can’t sleep again?” I could picture the depth of his clear blue eyes as soon as I heard his voice, that soft smooth melodic voice that instantly eased my mind. It was easy to picture his beautiful blond wavy locks and that smooth flawless milky skin. Everything about him reeked of sensuality and I shivered at the thought of his strong arms wrapped around me. I shook my head trying to clear my mind.
“No I can’t. I had another dream and I can't get back to sleep. I just wanted to hear your voice, to let it calm me down and relax me so I can go back to sleep without worrying about the dream.”
“What was it? The same one again? The one where you drown?” he asked, the concern so prominent in his voice I could imagine the frown lines creasing his flawless forehead.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “It was the same one again. I just don't know what it means Gabriel, I don't know why it keeps coming back. Normally I don't put too much faith in what I dream but this one has just been so unrelenting, so insistent.” I shivered at the memory. “I am starting to think it has to mean something. It's been going on ever since I got back from the Custas meeting I had with you guys, and it just keeps getting more forceful and more realistic every time.”
“Don’t you think you've got enough to worry about without trying to analyze your dreams as well?” he asked with compassion.
“No I don’t have anywhere near enough to worry about.” I replied sarcastically before continuing. “Of course I agree with you but even so it doesn't stop me from worrying, and then on top of the dreams I have the mermaids on my back about swimming with them, that just isn't helping me any either.”
“Well have you considered that maybe that's probably the majority of the problem?”
“Yeah, I've already thought about that too and that's why I'm mostly just trying to ignore it. It doesn't make it any easier though, and I still worry too because the dreams actually started before the Mermaids started annoying me.” But none of the that was the most worrying.
“In addition to that Gabriel I can’t even hear their thoughts at the moment. I keep trying, but they’re just not there anymore. It’s like they found a way to block me out. I can’t get anything from them unless they are willing me to hear it.”
“Well I can block you out. If I try really really hard.”
“Not if I want in though Gabriel, you can only block me out because I block you out. If I try to hear your thoughts I still can but with them at the moment I can’t get anything at all.”
“So what about Christmas then? Are you coming over?” he asked conveniently changing the subject, trying to distract me, not that he really had to try to hard he was really good at distracting me.
“No! We've had this discussion a dozen times now. I'm staying here, with the kids and with my mum. I’m not going anywhere at the moment Gabriel.” It defiantly wasn’t the sort of distraction I wanted. It was more annoying than anything else.
“You promised to think about it Hannah.” He pleaded
“I have thought about it Gabriel, and before mum got sick I would have seriously considered it, for a holiday at least anyway. The kids had so much fun the last time we were there, but I don’t think Mum is going to live much longer.” I was dreading having to watch my mother die again, even if she was a different person. “She definatly won't still be around for Christmas next year. So I am staying here with her while I still can and I am going to enjoy a warm sunny Aussie Christmas.” I sighed and rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. “I know that as soon as she's gone you’re all going to be on my case like there's no tomorrow anyway so at least have the courtesy to leave me be till then……. Please!”
“All right Hannah. I'm sorry……. I could always come there instead?” he replied smugly. I could hear the light teasing chuckle in his voice, but I knew I hadn’t heard the end of it.
“Gabriel. Please...…..Why do you have to be so damned incorrigible? You’ll drive me to an early grave you know.” I teased back.
“Just give me an inch baby. Just an inch is all I need.”
“And don't I know it.” I laughed then, but just quietly.
I did finally manage to drift back off to sleep but even then it was a very restless sleep. I didn't dream about drowning again but I did dream about the mermaids. They had been regularly contacting me in the last few weeks. With the weather warming up so quickly I had been taking the kids swimming at the beach a lot more often, so they were taking advantage of my closer proximity. Alex was an excellent swimmer and Kyle was just starting to learn but they both loved the beach, certainly more than I did. The last few times we had been at the beach the mermaids had been persistently trying to talk with me.
The mermaids are part of the crudelitas, so generally that means I can communicate with their minds, and my powers should work on them. That means I can destroy them with no more than a thought if I choose. All I have to do is concentrate the mind heat at them, then their blood will start to warm until it eventually starts to burn, and eventually they catch on fire internally, so there is nothing left but dust, it’s a little like spontaneous combustion. Most of the time though the mermaids just keep to themselves and do their own thing, they are in the water, and I'm out of it so other than an occasional “hi how are you” with the mindspeak when they are close enough I don’t usually have any idea really what they get up to.
I have even enjoyed it that way up till now, there aren't really very many of them left in existence any more anyway so they can’t get into too much trouble, not that there were many of them to begin with anyway. On the South coast of Australia there are only two that I am aware of so they don't even have any others of their own kind to upset and they like the warmer waters around Australia so there are more of them here than in most other places. Back in my grandmothers time there were a few who took it upon themselves to sing the sailors when they came in near to the shore, but they have such a strong distracting song that the boats used to crash into the rocks killing all on board. Hence the myth of the mermaids singing sailors to their death. I’m not sure it was intentional but my grandmother stepped in at the time and quickly put a stop to it. Ever since people have become more and more comfortable in the water the mermaids have basically decided they don’t want anything to do with the humans, and they all but went into hiding, not that I can really blame them, a lot of time I would love to be able to hide from humanity too. They have pretty much all but disappeared now. My mother never even met one at all in all her years, and it was only after I was reborn in Australia that I met the two who have been annoying me lately.
They keep telling me that they just want me to go swimming with them, that there is a place they need to show me, to take me to, just under the water. But the first time they mentioned it to me, it immediately made me think of the dreams I had been having and the thought terrified me. I have been trying to avoid them ever since, I keep trying to explain to them that I need air to breathe, that I would drown if I tried to stay under the water, but they just keep saying would be ok, everything would be good, I would be fine. Despite the fact that they are being so damned insistent, there is no way they are getting me to go swimming with them any time soon. Not in this lifetime anyway. Maybe the next time around I could think about it, but then again maybe not.
I was still tired when I woke up the next morning. Alex was already up and had made herself comfortable on the couch, sitting quietly with a light blanket thrown over her legs watching Hannah Montana. It was her favorite television show at the moment, but only a slight improvement in my mind from Dora the Explorer. Even though I thought she might be a bit too young for it obviously she didn't. In fact most of the girls at school had all the Hannah Montana accessories so she definatly wasn't the only one watching it.
Kyle was still sleeping soundly so I took advantage of the situation to catch up on a little bit of housework. I was really missing having Sam around; she used to do a quick whip around for me after the kids went to bed. It only took her about ten minutes to get the house spotless, but I could clean for an hour these days and not even make a dent in the mess, the kids would already have messed up the room I just cleaned before I could even finish the next one. Sometimes I really wished I was one of the crudelitas instead of just their human guardian.
Sam was one of my best friends, my closest friend in Australia, and she was a vampire too, but she had only recently left me and shifted to Estonia to become a member of the Vampire Custas. The Custas were a few select members of each of the crudelitas groups. A couple of representatives from the vampires, the werewolves, the witches and the nephilim. They were the law enforcers for want of a better description. My police force, they were my voice and my ears and they dealt out punishments within the realm of the supernatural. I had recently returned from Boston after a big shake up, a clean out of the Custas. A few of the groups and some individuals had gotten a bit out of control so I had retired, or rather more accurately I had destroyed, a few of the older members. The whole thing had turned into an almighty mess and then I was left with the problem of having to replace them. I had appointed Jesse as one of the new vampire Custas but Sam had decided to join him and take on one of the other vacated positions, despite my objections. She had fallen in love with him when we went to America to deal with the Custas, not that I could really blame her. I had almost fallen in love with him myself back in the 1960's so I knew how she felt. I knew the pull he had with his smoldering good looks and his boyish, almost childish charm. He had smooth dark hair and dark eyes and that perfect pale complexion. If it wasn't for my overwhelming feelings for Gabriel and my determination not to get romantically involved with a crudelitas anyway, I probably would have claimed him for myself long before Sam even came on the scene.
Instead he won Sam over and I lost her to Estonia and the Custas, she had been my best friend for a long time, she had been with me, by my side ever since she was transformed. She was Matron of honor at my wedding when I married Michael, my human husband. He had no idea what I really was and she was my shoulder to cry on when he died. She has been a surrogate aunt to my children since they were born, and sometimes I think they miss her now even more than I do, Alex especially. Sam had been my rock for so long, and now she was gone.
Well at least not totally gone, we still manage to speak at least three times a week at the moment and all she does is apologize to me for a full half of every conversation we have, and then lecture me about Gabriel for the other half.
I had a quiet, relaxing morning. After a quick tidy up I took the kids to the park. But it didn’t take them long before they started nagging me to take them to the beach again, even though they really wanted to go, I was desperately trying to avoid seeing the mermaids again, especially after the recurrence of the dream again last night. I really didn’t want to see them again for a while at least if I could possibly help it, so I tried to talk the kids into going to the pool instead, but they always win and in the end the pleading won of course, that and the fact that the pool was next to the beach anyway and I figured if they wanted to, the mermaids would probably still be able to annoy me as much there anyway. So the beach was where we ended up.
The Mermaids left me alone for a little while at least. They left me in peace while I played with the kids and paddled in the ocean waves. It was only when the kids went off to build sandcastles and I was alone on the rocks that they approached me again.
“Hannah you have to come with us. Please. We need you. It won't take long.” The long bodied curly haired blond one asked. They were both young and beautiful, exactly what a mermaid was supposed to look like, the epitome of the legends, but they were also exact opposites. While Adolia was fair and blond, Kalietia was dark and mysterious, with jet black silky straight hair and dark eyes, they euphemized ebony and ivory.
“Adolia you really need to leave me be please. I'm not going anywhere with you.” I tried to probe her mind for the reason behind their desperate need for me to go with them but yet again I was frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t hear anything, I couldn't even break the surface. I couldn't read anything of either of their thoughts and that alone had me most worried. I always used to be able to read the thoughts of the mermaids, both of them, but now there was nothing? Nothing at all, something had to be wrong, but I wasn’t going swimming with them to find out.
“Kalietia until you are willing to at least tell me why you are so desperate for me to go with you, I won't even consider it anyway. You are wasting your time even asking.”
“We can't tell you that Hannah, they won't let us. You have to just trust us.” Kalietia pleaded with me from the small rock pool she was sitting in. For anybody passing it would have looked like two young women sitting in the rock pool talking to another woman just sitting on the rocks, and it left me feeling incredibly understated sitting beside their stunning beauty. They had a quick exit point if they needed it though, they kept themselves safe. Escape was their first priority.
“Please Hannah, we're afraid. We don't know what they'll do to us if you don't come. She scares us.” Kalietia added.
I knew they were scared, but what they didn't realize was that I was even more so. I was scared of the water at the best of times. I don't really know why but I had always been scared of drowning. Even after having endured the unbearable agony of my mother’s death as she was burnt alive at the stake. I would still prefer to have to go through that again as opposed to drowning. The thought of not being able to draw a breath terrified me.
“Can’t you just give me some sort of hint then? At least tell me who it is you're so afraid of ?” I asked them.
“Hannah we want to, we truly do but it's just not possible. We can't tell you anything. Kalietia said.
“And it's not just because she told us not to.” Adolia added in a whisper. “We physically can't. I want to tell you and I keep trying but nothing comes out when I go to speak the words, they just won't come. Hannah she scares me.”
“Is she a witch?” I asked. But they both just shook their heads. “Why do you sometimes say she and other time they? Is there just one, or are there more of them?”
“She is just one but she is many...”
I interrupted. “That doesn't make any sense, either there is one person or there are a lot of them. Which is it?”
“She is one person, but she represents many, she speaks for many, she is many.” Adolia said. “Hannah you have to conquer your fears she is running out of time and she is growing impatient. We only have till............”
“Mummy.” Alex called to me and started running towards me. When I turned back Adolia and Kalietia were already gone without so much as a ripple on the surface of the water in the pool they had just been sitting in. Great, just when I was finally starting to get a few answers too.
I called into the hospital on the way home to check in on Mum. She wasn't my real mum though, at least she wasn’t my original mum, but she was still my birth mother, for this life anyway, but she wasn’t the mother from whom I had inherited my destiny. She had no idea who I really was, not an inkling that the child she gave birth to was supposed to be stillborn, would have been stillborn except that my sole took over the body, took over the essence, and took over the child. So instead of more heartache from too many years of trying to conceive and too many miscarriages she gave birth to the guardian, to me. I often wonder if she would have chosen it if she had know, if she had a choice? Maybe. But she didn't have a choice, and she still doesn't know. Instead she thinks of me as her miracle, and I guess in many ways that’s just what I am.
I noticed how terrible she looked as I soon as I walked into the hospital room, she had lost far too much weight her face was sallow and pale. Her Eyes were dark and lifeless initially, but when she smiled as soon as she saw the kids they light up, she instantly looked better, more like the mother I knew and loved.
“Hi Mum. How are you feeling?” I asked, but she just brushed me aside.
“Later. How are my two special kids?”
“Hi Nanny.” they chorused. Kyle raced straight up to her and tried to jump up on the bed. Alex had a bit more restraint and just stood quietly beside the bed, she knew her nanny wasn't too well and acted a little more reserved.
“We went to the beach Nanny and we went for a swim.” She started talking excitedly with Kyle echoing everything she said “And me and Kyle, we built sandcastles while Mummy was talking to the pretty mermaids.” my jaw dropped and Mum looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“I..... I............. I was talking to some young girls in the rock pool. They were pretty enough to be mermaids weren't the Alex?” I managed to stammer out trying to cover up the faux par.
“They were mermaid’s Mummy. I saw their tails when they left. They just ducked under the water and swam away like fish.”
Oh my god, sweet angels. I was dumbstruck. I was always so careful. I had always kept my kids away from the crudelitas, kept them safe; never let the two lives cross. Until now. Without Sam here things were getting harder, I was taking risks and the cracks were starting to appear and it had to stop now.
“Kids have such vivid imaginations don't they Hannah?” mum said.
I smiled at her and gave a soft half hearted chuckle.
“And these two have the best.” I added, but I wasn’t sure she was doing anything more than trying to make me feel better, trying to cover up my embarrassment.
She smiled at me in reply but I wasn't totally convinced.
“So what's new then?” I asked
“They are sending me home next week. There's nothing else they can do now so I get to just go home and wait it out.” she raised her eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. She was resigned to her fate. But I don't think I was. Maybe I would ask Gabriel to come over. He might be able to do something? Surely he could do something? He was a qualified doctor, and a good one at that. I could certainly ask him about it anyway. It couldn't hurt. I kissed her gently on the cheek.
“Hannah I'm sorry I’m not much use to you these days. I know with Sam gone it must be really had for you. Especially with all your extracurricular activities as well.” I looked at her quizzically; I couldn't help but wonder if she knew more than she was letting on. Obviously Alex had picked up on things she wasn't meant to and she was only six years old. Maybe mum had picked up on a bit more over the years than I had realized too. Maybe I didn't give her quite as much credit as she deserved. Perhaps she had always been a bit more observant than I had realized. I would need to have a bit of a chat to her when she got home.
“Mum, don't worry about that please. We're managing just fine and Kyle is at kinder now so I have heaps of spare time.” but I cringed as I thought about that. I had no idea what I was going to do about the kids the next time I had to make an overseas trip. The short hour or so trips here in Australia were fine but an extended overseas trip might be a bit of a problem. Still I tried not to dwell on it too much, why worry about things I didn't have to just yet. I still had plenty of other pressing issues to contend with as it was.
“Yes, I've seen how much spare time you have; I noticed the state of your house last time I was there.”
I chuckled at that. “Yeah I did rely on Sam a bit too much for my housekeeping. Maybe I need to get a cleaner in once a week?”
“Or a live-in housekeeper and babysitter might suit your needs a bit better?”
“Hmm. And how do I afford that?” It was a good thought, and affording it wasn’t even the problem. The real problem was that I needed someone who was strong enough to protect my kids from the crudelitas if required and the only ones strong enough for that were the crudelitas themselves. Unfortunately it took me years, centuries even to build enough trust in them to allow them anywhere near my babies.
Dreaming
I woke with a start, gasping for air trying to stop the burning in my lungs. It felt like it was still the middle of the night. I glanced at the alarm clock flashing on the table beside me. 2.27. I hadn't even been asleep for an hour. How could so much have happened in such a short time? Not that I could fully recall all of it now anyway, the dream was already starting to fade so quickly. All I could clearly remember was the end. Drowning, trying to gasp for breath and chocking on the salty acrid water, my throat burning, aching to take a breath, even just a small one. What was I even doing in the water in the first place though? I couldn't remember. All I could actually recall now was the terror of not being able to breath, the fear of believing that I may have already taken my last breath and the horror of the prospect of what was going to happen to my kids when I didn’t come back, who would take care of them? Protect them like I did? Love them like I did? Look after them for me?
It wasn't really all that dark in my room. The light filtered through the blinds from the streetlight outside my window, and despite how tired I was I didn't want to go straight back to sleep yet, I didn't want to risk slipping back into the terror of that dream again. I got out of bed and went to check on the kids instead. Kyle had kicked his covers off, again. So I pulled his dooner up over his shoulder, then I gently kissed his cheek before softly touching his forehead. Next I went into Alex's room to check on her. She was sleeping peacefully, with her long blond hair splayed out around her head like a halo. She was growing up so quickly, getting so big already, turning into a real little lady. It was going to be all too soon before she would learn who she really is, and once again, just as I had so many time in the past, I wrestled with my conscience about whether or not I should just tell her now. She was certainly old enough to understand the importance of keeping a secret, so I shouldn’t really have to worry about her saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. But I really just wanted her to be able to have a normal childhood, to grow up as a kid should grow up, instead of as the guardian with the worries of the world on her shoulders. I had missed out on that opportunity the first time and inevitably I had decided to start again and be reborn, not that I blamed Susannah for the decisions she made, she only did what she felt was right at the time, but that left me totally alone when I learnt about who I truly was the second time around, and I didn't want that for Alex. I wanted her to be able to have a normal childhood, but still have someone there for her when she learnt about who she was to become.
It would be all too soon anyway, that she would discover her destiny in life. That she is just like me, and my mother before me, and her mother before her. All too soon she will discover that she has been born to carry out the angels work, god’s wishes. We are the Venatorcustos. The guardian. It is our duty in life to help and to protect the crudelitas. They are the supernatural creatures of this earth. Vampires, werewolves, witches, nephilim, fairies and mermaids. It has always been our job and our duty to make sure that they behaved themselves and lived by the rules of nature and the angels, and it is also our job to destroy any of those creatures that flaunt the rules recklessly without any compassion or remorse or regard, and I had been doing far too much of that lately. I don’t really enjoy destroying another’s existence regardless of the reasons for it.
No it will certainly be all too soon that Alex will have to join me as the guardian and undoubtedly she will have to join me with all the death and destruction. She will wake up one morning to suddenly discover her head is full of memories that aren't even hers, as well as a multitude of thoughts that belong to others. The memories will mostly belong to me - but some will also have been my mothers and possible some of my grandmothers as well, but to Alex they will seem dreamlike, surreal, and she will have to learn to decipher them, and call on them when she needs to, she will have to learn to differentiate between her own memories and ours.
The thoughts will belong to the crudelitas, and she will need to learn to control them. She will need to be able to block them out when she doesn't want to hear them, while still being able to pick up on the subtleties that they will be trying to hide, any supernatural creatures that get close to her, within about a 12km radius, will be forever in her head, and she will have access to anything they think whenever she chooses.
No. There is just no way, I can in good conscience burden her with all that now, I won't do it. She is still just my baby, my little girl. She will learn it all when the time is right, when it is destined for her to know. Until then she can sleep in peace. I kissed her forehead gently before I left the room and went and climbed back into my own bed, I still didn't want to go back to sleep though. I couldn’t face the thought of slipping back into that dream again. I picked up the phone and looked at it contemplatively. Should I, shouldn't I. I knew I shouldn’t really. I had so many conflicting emotions when it came to Gabriel. I felt like I was using him all the time, but every time I heard his voice I was at peace. If I was talking to him, I was in a much better frame of mind, I was happy and I was content. Gabriel was my best friend, my confidant even if he was a vampire.
Gabriel and I grew up together in Amesbury Massachusetts in the late sixteen hundreds. He was four years older than I was and he was my best friend. He was there for me when my mother was killed, he supported me, and he cared for me. It was during the times of the Salem witch trials and she had been accused of witchcraft, she was burned alive at the stake. It was the most excruciating time of my entire existence, the most devastating time of all my lives combined. Gabriel's father had orchestrated the entire thing but ultimately he was nothing more than a puppet on a string. It took me over three hundred years before I learned that it was actually a vampire named Phelip who had been the puppeteer. But even as yet, he had still managed to elude me. I was constantly on the lookout for him though, so I could make him pay for what he had done, to my mother and to me. Not the least of which was because I had felt every physical aspect of my mother’s death. I felt the pain and agony of the burning, as the fire consumed her every essence, right up till the point that her heart stopped beating I felt it all, one of the benefits of who we are. Even now I still relive it, I can still vividly recall the pain as the fire engulfed her, and Gabriel had been by my side the entire time, even though he was still human at the time he watched my agony, physically and emotionally and kept me together. He was still keeping me together.
So now I lay in bed wrestling with my conscience yet again. It would be daytime in America, so it was a good time to call, not that that would be an issue anyway. Gabriel only slept for a couple of days every few months, although it was more like hibernation than a sleep, a bit like a bear. Contrary to popular myths and belief vampires don’t sleep their entire day way, and as they got older they need to hibernated less often and for shorter time periods. Gabriel had not long woken from his last hibernation anyway so he wouldn't be sleeping now, although that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be working, Gabriel liked to work, he was a bit of a work-a-holic, a condition that had gotten worse over the years, especially since he lost his wife. I was sure he would be glad to hear from me regardless though, he always was. But that was where my conscience came into it. I didn't want to get his hopes up; I was trying not to get his hopes up. He was still waiting on an answer. One I couldn't give him, not yet. I needed to get it all sorted out in my own head before I could commit to him, before I could uproot my kids and shift permanently to the United States. Gabriel had declared his love for me time and time again, but as much as I loved him back, and I really did love him back, I still couldn't commit to him. Especially when I didn't even expect to live too much longer anyway, how could I agree to spend my life with him when my life was almost over? As soon as Alex was old enough she would take over as the guardian and soon after I would join the angels, there has only ever be one guardian that’s just the way it is. But even despite that fact and even though Gabriel claimed he would prefer to have any time he could with me, even if it was only a year, the guardian could never have a romantic relationship with a Crudeltas. That was one of the main rules my mother had drummed into me ever since I was a little girl. Back then she used to encourage me to spend time with Gabriel, back when he was human, but I’m sure she would be totally against it now. I often wonder what she would have thought about how things had panned out.
Eventually exhaustion mixed with my need for a peaceful sleep and won out over my conscience as I stared at the numbers on the phone and I called Gabriel’s number.
“Hi beautiful.” he answered immediately. “Can’t sleep again?” I could picture the depth of his clear blue eyes as soon as I heard his voice, that soft smooth melodic voice that instantly eased my mind. It was easy to picture his beautiful blond wavy locks and that smooth flawless milky skin. Everything about him reeked of sensuality and I shivered at the thought of his strong arms wrapped around me. I shook my head trying to clear my mind.
“No I can’t. I had another dream and I can't get back to sleep. I just wanted to hear your voice, to let it calm me down and relax me so I can go back to sleep without worrying about the dream.”
“What was it? The same one again? The one where you drown?” he asked, the concern so prominent in his voice I could imagine the frown lines creasing his flawless forehead.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “It was the same one again. I just don't know what it means Gabriel, I don't know why it keeps coming back. Normally I don't put too much faith in what I dream but this one has just been so unrelenting, so insistent.” I shivered at the memory. “I am starting to think it has to mean something. It's been going on ever since I got back from the Custas meeting I had with you guys, and it just keeps getting more forceful and more realistic every time.”
“Don’t you think you've got enough to worry about without trying to analyze your dreams as well?” he asked with compassion.
“No I don’t have anywhere near enough to worry about.” I replied sarcastically before continuing. “Of course I agree with you but even so it doesn't stop me from worrying, and then on top of the dreams I have the mermaids on my back about swimming with them, that just isn't helping me any either.”
“Well have you considered that maybe that's probably the majority of the problem?”
“Yeah, I've already thought about that too and that's why I'm mostly just trying to ignore it. It doesn't make it any easier though, and I still worry too because the dreams actually started before the Mermaids started annoying me.” But none of the that was the most worrying.
“In addition to that Gabriel I can’t even hear their thoughts at the moment. I keep trying, but they’re just not there anymore. It’s like they found a way to block me out. I can’t get anything from them unless they are willing me to hear it.”
“Well I can block you out. If I try really really hard.”
“Not if I want in though Gabriel, you can only block me out because I block you out. If I try to hear your thoughts I still can but with them at the moment I can’t get anything at all.”
“So what about Christmas then? Are you coming over?” he asked conveniently changing the subject, trying to distract me, not that he really had to try to hard he was really good at distracting me.
“No! We've had this discussion a dozen times now. I'm staying here, with the kids and with my mum. I’m not going anywhere at the moment Gabriel.” It defiantly wasn’t the sort of distraction I wanted. It was more annoying than anything else.
“You promised to think about it Hannah.” He pleaded
“I have thought about it Gabriel, and before mum got sick I would have seriously considered it, for a holiday at least anyway. The kids had so much fun the last time we were there, but I don’t think Mum is going to live much longer.” I was dreading having to watch my mother die again, even if she was a different person. “She definatly won't still be around for Christmas next year. So I am staying here with her while I still can and I am going to enjoy a warm sunny Aussie Christmas.” I sighed and rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. “I know that as soon as she's gone you’re all going to be on my case like there's no tomorrow anyway so at least have the courtesy to leave me be till then……. Please!”
“All right Hannah. I'm sorry……. I could always come there instead?” he replied smugly. I could hear the light teasing chuckle in his voice, but I knew I hadn’t heard the end of it.
“Gabriel. Please...…..Why do you have to be so damned incorrigible? You’ll drive me to an early grave you know.” I teased back.
“Just give me an inch baby. Just an inch is all I need.”
“And don't I know it.” I laughed then, but just quietly.
I did finally manage to drift back off to sleep but even then it was a very restless sleep. I didn't dream about drowning again but I did dream about the mermaids. They had been regularly contacting me in the last few weeks. With the weather warming up so quickly I had been taking the kids swimming at the beach a lot more often, so they were taking advantage of my closer proximity. Alex was an excellent swimmer and Kyle was just starting to learn but they both loved the beach, certainly more than I did. The last few times we had been at the beach the mermaids had been persistently trying to talk with me.
The mermaids are part of the crudelitas, so generally that means I can communicate with their minds, and my powers should work on them. That means I can destroy them with no more than a thought if I choose. All I have to do is concentrate the mind heat at them, then their blood will start to warm until it eventually starts to burn, and eventually they catch on fire internally, so there is nothing left but dust, it’s a little like spontaneous combustion. Most of the time though the mermaids just keep to themselves and do their own thing, they are in the water, and I'm out of it so other than an occasional “hi how are you” with the mindspeak when they are close enough I don’t usually have any idea really what they get up to.
I have even enjoyed it that way up till now, there aren't really very many of them left in existence any more anyway so they can’t get into too much trouble, not that there were many of them to begin with anyway. On the South coast of Australia there are only two that I am aware of so they don't even have any others of their own kind to upset and they like the warmer waters around Australia so there are more of them here than in most other places. Back in my grandmothers time there were a few who took it upon themselves to sing the sailors when they came in near to the shore, but they have such a strong distracting song that the boats used to crash into the rocks killing all on board. Hence the myth of the mermaids singing sailors to their death. I’m not sure it was intentional but my grandmother stepped in at the time and quickly put a stop to it. Ever since people have become more and more comfortable in the water the mermaids have basically decided they don’t want anything to do with the humans, and they all but went into hiding, not that I can really blame them, a lot of time I would love to be able to hide from humanity too. They have pretty much all but disappeared now. My mother never even met one at all in all her years, and it was only after I was reborn in Australia that I met the two who have been annoying me lately.
They keep telling me that they just want me to go swimming with them, that there is a place they need to show me, to take me to, just under the water. But the first time they mentioned it to me, it immediately made me think of the dreams I had been having and the thought terrified me. I have been trying to avoid them ever since, I keep trying to explain to them that I need air to breathe, that I would drown if I tried to stay under the water, but they just keep saying would be ok, everything would be good, I would be fine. Despite the fact that they are being so damned insistent, there is no way they are getting me to go swimming with them any time soon. Not in this lifetime anyway. Maybe the next time around I could think about it, but then again maybe not.
I was still tired when I woke up the next morning. Alex was already up and had made herself comfortable on the couch, sitting quietly with a light blanket thrown over her legs watching Hannah Montana. It was her favorite television show at the moment, but only a slight improvement in my mind from Dora the Explorer. Even though I thought she might be a bit too young for it obviously she didn't. In fact most of the girls at school had all the Hannah Montana accessories so she definatly wasn't the only one watching it.
Kyle was still sleeping soundly so I took advantage of the situation to catch up on a little bit of housework. I was really missing having Sam around; she used to do a quick whip around for me after the kids went to bed. It only took her about ten minutes to get the house spotless, but I could clean for an hour these days and not even make a dent in the mess, the kids would already have messed up the room I just cleaned before I could even finish the next one. Sometimes I really wished I was one of the crudelitas instead of just their human guardian.
Sam was one of my best friends, my closest friend in Australia, and she was a vampire too, but she had only recently left me and shifted to Estonia to become a member of the Vampire Custas. The Custas were a few select members of each of the crudelitas groups. A couple of representatives from the vampires, the werewolves, the witches and the nephilim. They were the law enforcers for want of a better description. My police force, they were my voice and my ears and they dealt out punishments within the realm of the supernatural. I had recently returned from Boston after a big shake up, a clean out of the Custas. A few of the groups and some individuals had gotten a bit out of control so I had retired, or rather more accurately I had destroyed, a few of the older members. The whole thing had turned into an almighty mess and then I was left with the problem of having to replace them. I had appointed Jesse as one of the new vampire Custas but Sam had decided to join him and take on one of the other vacated positions, despite my objections. She had fallen in love with him when we went to America to deal with the Custas, not that I could really blame her. I had almost fallen in love with him myself back in the 1960's so I knew how she felt. I knew the pull he had with his smoldering good looks and his boyish, almost childish charm. He had smooth dark hair and dark eyes and that perfect pale complexion. If it wasn't for my overwhelming feelings for Gabriel and my determination not to get romantically involved with a crudelitas anyway, I probably would have claimed him for myself long before Sam even came on the scene.
Instead he won Sam over and I lost her to Estonia and the Custas, she had been my best friend for a long time, she had been with me, by my side ever since she was transformed. She was Matron of honor at my wedding when I married Michael, my human husband. He had no idea what I really was and she was my shoulder to cry on when he died. She has been a surrogate aunt to my children since they were born, and sometimes I think they miss her now even more than I do, Alex especially. Sam had been my rock for so long, and now she was gone.
Well at least not totally gone, we still manage to speak at least three times a week at the moment and all she does is apologize to me for a full half of every conversation we have, and then lecture me about Gabriel for the other half.
I had a quiet, relaxing morning. After a quick tidy up I took the kids to the park. But it didn’t take them long before they started nagging me to take them to the beach again, even though they really wanted to go, I was desperately trying to avoid seeing the mermaids again, especially after the recurrence of the dream again last night. I really didn’t want to see them again for a while at least if I could possibly help it, so I tried to talk the kids into going to the pool instead, but they always win and in the end the pleading won of course, that and the fact that the pool was next to the beach anyway and I figured if they wanted to, the mermaids would probably still be able to annoy me as much there anyway. So the beach was where we ended up.
The Mermaids left me alone for a little while at least. They left me in peace while I played with the kids and paddled in the ocean waves. It was only when the kids went off to build sandcastles and I was alone on the rocks that they approached me again.
“Hannah you have to come with us. Please. We need you. It won't take long.” The long bodied curly haired blond one asked. They were both young and beautiful, exactly what a mermaid was supposed to look like, the epitome of the legends, but they were also exact opposites. While Adolia was fair and blond, Kalietia was dark and mysterious, with jet black silky straight hair and dark eyes, they euphemized ebony and ivory.
“Adolia you really need to leave me be please. I'm not going anywhere with you.” I tried to probe her mind for the reason behind their desperate need for me to go with them but yet again I was frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t hear anything, I couldn't even break the surface. I couldn't read anything of either of their thoughts and that alone had me most worried. I always used to be able to read the thoughts of the mermaids, both of them, but now there was nothing? Nothing at all, something had to be wrong, but I wasn’t going swimming with them to find out.
“Kalietia until you are willing to at least tell me why you are so desperate for me to go with you, I won't even consider it anyway. You are wasting your time even asking.”
“We can't tell you that Hannah, they won't let us. You have to just trust us.” Kalietia pleaded with me from the small rock pool she was sitting in. For anybody passing it would have looked like two young women sitting in the rock pool talking to another woman just sitting on the rocks, and it left me feeling incredibly understated sitting beside their stunning beauty. They had a quick exit point if they needed it though, they kept themselves safe. Escape was their first priority.
“Please Hannah, we're afraid. We don't know what they'll do to us if you don't come. She scares us.” Kalietia added.
I knew they were scared, but what they didn't realize was that I was even more so. I was scared of the water at the best of times. I don't really know why but I had always been scared of drowning. Even after having endured the unbearable agony of my mother’s death as she was burnt alive at the stake. I would still prefer to have to go through that again as opposed to drowning. The thought of not being able to draw a breath terrified me.
“Can’t you just give me some sort of hint then? At least tell me who it is you're so afraid of ?” I asked them.
“Hannah we want to, we truly do but it's just not possible. We can't tell you anything. Kalietia said.
“And it's not just because she told us not to.” Adolia added in a whisper. “We physically can't. I want to tell you and I keep trying but nothing comes out when I go to speak the words, they just won't come. Hannah she scares me.”
“Is she a witch?” I asked. But they both just shook their heads. “Why do you sometimes say she and other time they? Is there just one, or are there more of them?”
“She is just one but she is many...”
I interrupted. “That doesn't make any sense, either there is one person or there are a lot of them. Which is it?”
“She is one person, but she represents many, she speaks for many, she is many.” Adolia said. “Hannah you have to conquer your fears she is running out of time and she is growing impatient. We only have till............”
“Mummy.” Alex called to me and started running towards me. When I turned back Adolia and Kalietia were already gone without so much as a ripple on the surface of the water in the pool they had just been sitting in. Great, just when I was finally starting to get a few answers too.
I called into the hospital on the way home to check in on Mum. She wasn't my real mum though, at least she wasn’t my original mum, but she was still my birth mother, for this life anyway, but she wasn’t the mother from whom I had inherited my destiny. She had no idea who I really was, not an inkling that the child she gave birth to was supposed to be stillborn, would have been stillborn except that my sole took over the body, took over the essence, and took over the child. So instead of more heartache from too many years of trying to conceive and too many miscarriages she gave birth to the guardian, to me. I often wonder if she would have chosen it if she had know, if she had a choice? Maybe. But she didn't have a choice, and she still doesn't know. Instead she thinks of me as her miracle, and I guess in many ways that’s just what I am.
I noticed how terrible she looked as I soon as I walked into the hospital room, she had lost far too much weight her face was sallow and pale. Her Eyes were dark and lifeless initially, but when she smiled as soon as she saw the kids they light up, she instantly looked better, more like the mother I knew and loved.
“Hi Mum. How are you feeling?” I asked, but she just brushed me aside.
“Later. How are my two special kids?”
“Hi Nanny.” they chorused. Kyle raced straight up to her and tried to jump up on the bed. Alex had a bit more restraint and just stood quietly beside the bed, she knew her nanny wasn't too well and acted a little more reserved.
“We went to the beach Nanny and we went for a swim.” She started talking excitedly with Kyle echoing everything she said “And me and Kyle, we built sandcastles while Mummy was talking to the pretty mermaids.” my jaw dropped and Mum looked at me with raised eyebrows.
“I..... I............. I was talking to some young girls in the rock pool. They were pretty enough to be mermaids weren't the Alex?” I managed to stammer out trying to cover up the faux par.
“They were mermaid’s Mummy. I saw their tails when they left. They just ducked under the water and swam away like fish.”
Oh my god, sweet angels. I was dumbstruck. I was always so careful. I had always kept my kids away from the crudelitas, kept them safe; never let the two lives cross. Until now. Without Sam here things were getting harder, I was taking risks and the cracks were starting to appear and it had to stop now.
“Kids have such vivid imaginations don't they Hannah?” mum said.
I smiled at her and gave a soft half hearted chuckle.
“And these two have the best.” I added, but I wasn’t sure she was doing anything more than trying to make me feel better, trying to cover up my embarrassment.
She smiled at me in reply but I wasn't totally convinced.
“So what's new then?” I asked
“They are sending me home next week. There's nothing else they can do now so I get to just go home and wait it out.” she raised her eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. She was resigned to her fate. But I don't think I was. Maybe I would ask Gabriel to come over. He might be able to do something? Surely he could do something? He was a qualified doctor, and a good one at that. I could certainly ask him about it anyway. It couldn't hurt. I kissed her gently on the cheek.
“Hannah I'm sorry I’m not much use to you these days. I know with Sam gone it must be really had for you. Especially with all your extracurricular activities as well.” I looked at her quizzically; I couldn't help but wonder if she knew more than she was letting on. Obviously Alex had picked up on things she wasn't meant to and she was only six years old. Maybe mum had picked up on a bit more over the years than I had realized too. Maybe I didn't give her quite as much credit as she deserved. Perhaps she had always been a bit more observant than I had realized. I would need to have a bit of a chat to her when she got home.
“Mum, don't worry about that please. We're managing just fine and Kyle is at kinder now so I have heaps of spare time.” but I cringed as I thought about that. I had no idea what I was going to do about the kids the next time I had to make an overseas trip. The short hour or so trips here in Australia were fine but an extended overseas trip might be a bit of a problem. Still I tried not to dwell on it too much, why worry about things I didn't have to just yet. I still had plenty of other pressing issues to contend with as it was.
“Yes, I've seen how much spare time you have; I noticed the state of your house last time I was there.”
I chuckled at that. “Yeah I did rely on Sam a bit too much for my housekeeping. Maybe I need to get a cleaner in once a week?”
“Or a live-in housekeeper and babysitter might suit your needs a bit better?”
“Hmm. And how do I afford that?” It was a good thought, and affording it wasn’t even the problem. The real problem was that I needed someone who was strong enough to protect my kids from the crudelitas if required and the only ones strong enough for that were the crudelitas themselves. Unfortunately it took me years, centuries even to build enough trust in them to allow them anywhere near my babies.